So I’ve decided to see about getting over my general fear of young children…specifically babies…they make me nervous. Like Idk….they seem so fragile…I don’t understand babies. Like no maternal instinct here I’m pretty sure…
maybe this should just be called
the blog where kat whines a lot
ohohoh. to top it all off.
i cant talk to anyone about it like i need to.
i cant vent properly….
the people i trust either live 2+hrs away, dont care, are irritated withe me, or the thing i need to vent is about them.
fun isnt it.
happy thanksgiving break to me.
happy break motherfucker. hope you didnt want to feel good all damn week. oh you also had hoped to be happy upon getting back to school? hahahah fuck no. youre going to sit and be miserable because yet again youre not what they want.
Sorry for making things weird for you and Dustin.
hmm…i want to post things but i cant even be sure they wont be discussed by this point. especially mentioning names of people…which is a tad disappointing but what can i really do about it. i am posting it online for those who have access to read it…so its not really private.
anyway completely off topic.
what does one even do when one has a mutual interest in the person one chooses to classify as their best friend. we already agreed neither of us was going to act upon it for fear of destroying a perfectly good friendship… hm… h m h m
woah this blog has been getting a ridic amount of use lately. huh. too much emotional bullshit WO AH holy dang wow that is so fantastic.
bleh i just got brushed aside essentially by my friend for his ex girlfriend which, most likely, he will be getting back with seeing as apparently she’s already spending the night in his dorm. EVEN THOUGH… he said he was going to make her take it slow this time.. not jumping straight back into it.
Okay..fuck o k.. im being too clingy i guess…. but rly.. who else do i even really have to fucking hang out with…
I bascially told one of my friends… if you could even classify him as such to fuck off and i didnt want to speak to him or see him again…and i dont want to become a nuisance to anyone else.
like okay.. i have a great group of people that i will hang out with but.. most of them i barely know so i feel awkward being around them for very long…
"Well go make some new friends" ok ay jackass let me just get over my social anxiety and low self esteem issues JUST LIKE THAT and just become best pals w/ some person. yes okay let me do that for you.
……..admittedly…….im disheartened……i dont want to try anymore….i should just accept my fate as either being stuck with someone i dont want to be with…..or accept that im going to be alone. neither…of which is particularly….enjoyable of a thought to entertain….
whatever….thats all ive got……ive exhausted my thoughts.
sometimes im pretty sure i have the worst relationship luck
destined to like those who wont like me back in the way i would like them to
or destined to find those who are only going to abuse my emotions
so far its been pretty constant
i have this lingering nervous-sick feeling
blehh ble h :c
i want to speak to dustin again but im so afraid to….
im afraid hes still going to be upset with me….
im afraid ive managed to lose my best friend….
i just..worry…a lot … about…everythin g…